I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize