just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
