I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
