So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
this hospital has no fireball
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
