I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
