I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
