whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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