I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
