Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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