Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
