Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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