Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize