I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
