you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Enjoy the penises
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
