billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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