my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
