Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
