oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
