Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
