Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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