And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
