and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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