You're my little dorito
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
