D3 body, D1 cock
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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