I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
