I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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