You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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