she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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