Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
