I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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