i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
