I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
