this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
