u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
