chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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