Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i think my cat just said my name.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
