I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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