I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
