dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
