I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
