Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
