im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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