Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
