My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
