I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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