Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All the doctor said was why
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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