VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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