She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
