I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
