the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
