areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
