I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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