Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
