3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize