Cold hands, warm shart.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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