If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
