there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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