His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
